The Midnight News 6.22.01
Posted By Hyatte on 06.22.01
Ryder, WCW, WWF, WCF, WWW, WCF, WTF, Dudley Boys, Honky takes it back, Words from a Moron, and Those Damn Kids
Hey! It's Thursday night and I am not drunk!!! I am such a LOSER.
Lots of stuff to get to tonight, so let's get into it.
TOUGH ENOUGH TITTY SAID THE KITTY
I have it taped, so I will watch it when I have the time. 411, you're home to cutting news updates.
Actually, so far it's getting rave reviews. Bob Ryder LOVED it!
IT'S ABOUT DAMN TIME!!
This is a special Three Site team-up for this news story. None of these sites are Wrestleline, because "Downtown Dave" was hitting the buffet line instead of "hitting the streets"
First, The Torch reported that the WWF is strongly thinking about handing Monday Night RAW to WCW. Obviously because Nitro was such a ratings ASS KICKER!!!
Since TNN was not generous with opening a slot on it's schedule for WCW, (and let's face it, Saturday nights at 11 damn right SUCKED), the WWF had been thinking about giving WCW one of it's timeslots for a long, long time. The WWF is oversaturated right now.... and the general audience isn't interested in wrestling these days. So this is a ballsy, but still smart move. Plus, it makes Smackdown THE WWF flagship now, which will make UPN happy.
It looks like, whatever big tag team multi-man dream main event they had planned for the Invasion main event, the winner will get Raw.... so obviously the ending to the NEXT PPV is blown. (ahh, everyone'll buy the damn thing anyway)
As for THIS coming PPV, the King of the Ring, well someone told Scherer that the WWF may put in some WCW talent on air to get a jump start on Invasion. DDP (of course), Booker T, and Bagwell may very well be there to bring on the screwjob endings.
Oh and although no one is confirming anything, Rob Van Dam is expected to sign, if he hasn't already, and be a BIG part of the WCW. They may debut him on Raw just like they did with Page. This will be huge for Van Dam, because now we'll all get to see just how "overrated" he really is.
Finally, The Observer says that the WWF has pulled Sean O'Haire and Chuck Palumbo out of an Indy show on Tuesday.... possibly because they will show up on Smackdown at Madison Square Garden?
The waiting looks to be over, kids. Although it would've been nice to get Flair and Sting signed.... we're going to have ourselves a fun little dream war for a while. Remember those markish feeling you had when Vince McMahon popped up on Nitro? Well, get ready for a few dozen more of those.
LES IS MORE
The WWF made big changes in it's farm league system, (infinitely cooler than calling it their "developmental programs"). They dumped out on Memphis Championship Wrestling and s-canned Terry Golden. Then they hooked up with Les Thatcher's Heartland Championship Wrestling. So now Thatcher will work with the new WWF wannabes.
A few young wrestlers are getting the shaft. American Dragon, Shooter Shultz, Christian York, and anyone who was in the Mean Street Posse are GONE!!!
The Observer had the best details here.
DUDLEY DROOL-RIGHT
There is a band called "Saliva". On their website, they said that they are currently in Los Angeles recording a new theme song for the Dudley Boys. That's the cool thing about the WWF. If something isn't working, they change it, quick.
Hey, don't believe me? WHY NOT?? TJ Burgess told me HIMSELF!
Here, a-hole...see for yourself
ONE BIG BLACK MAMMA JAMMA
Ahmed Johnson took a break from pimping to play the part of Marion "Suge" Knight, President, Owner, and Enforcer of Death Row Records in the VH1 bioflick "Hammer" about the life and times of MJOLNIR, THE WEAPON OF CHOICE FOR THE MIGHTY THOR!!
Nah, it's about MC Hammer.
To practice for the role, Ahmed is currently beating the crap out of rappers and scaring the beejeezus out of white people.
The Torch sprang this on us.
YOU DAMN KIDS GET OFF OF MY ROOF!!! NO, WAIT!
Because Philadelphia had such uptight laws, some folks packed up, moved to Ohio, and started NEW Philadelphia.
A couple of hundred years later, New Philadelphian Doug Harrington has been found guilty of child endangerment. See, Doug allowed his step-son to jump 18 feet off his porch roof and into a burning table as part of a Backyard Wrestling match. The stunt was videotaped because everyone wants to be a star and The Best of Backyard Wrestling Two is sure to be a reality.
Harrington was sentenced to 250 hours of community service.
When asked for comment, Harrington said, "Well, I heard that fire acts as a wind cushion, so the kid would land safely! If the table wasn't on fire, I would have NEVER allowed it. Screw the kid. He's my STEP-son... I only put up with him because his Mom gives great bl**jobs!"
And so it goes.
The Torch is on a ROLL tonight.
BUT, PLUGS
Two things of real note. Beanie Boy McClucky took time out of his busy schedule to do a lightening fast as-soon-as-the-damn-show-was-over recap of
Smackdown. He also officially created the longest front page teaser to any column ever on the Internet. For Chrissakes, the teaser featured my name TWICE.
Meanwhile, Danny Birdwell is now the official 411 recapper of
Tough Enough. That's the ONE show I might have come out of retirement to "Mop-Up".... I won't, but I MIGHT have.
HONKY EATS SOME CROW
Remember when the Honky Tonk Man was talking about the Dynamite Kid in an interview?
It took a while, but the Honky Tonk Man caught wind that some feathers were ruffled off his comments.... so he has finally issued a statement.... and blamed everyone but himself.
I want to clear up some totally out of context junk some of you have been reading and hearing concerning the statements I made about the Dynamite Kid. I have never said at anytime or anyplace I thought the Kid deserved being in a wheelchair. Who ever started that story is one sorry c******ker. And for those of you who would believe that kind of Bull***, I could never change your mind, because you believe Bill Clinton didn't leave a stain on Monica's dress and O.J. didn't kill two people.
I would not wish a wheelchair situation for anyone unless they had caused harm to me or my family, then I could say it with conviction.
I did say Dynamite deserved some pain and agony for the things he has done to himself and other people. He himself said he would do it, meaning his lifestyle, all over again and change nothing. This sounds like no remorse for what he did to others as "ribs." Have I done things that will come home to bite me in the ass or "karma" will get me someday? Hell yes, I continue to push the envelope to the edge. Will I deserve pain and agony for the things I have done? Again, hell yes.
You want to know something? I know it is coming, I feel it everyday. I never look in the mirror and say, "why me" because whatever comes down the road for me, I will deserve. I earned it. To the Dynamite Kid, I say I hope you understand now what the REAL story is. This one comes from me.
And that's the closest he'll ever come to apologizing, I think.
Did he just call me a "c******ker"?
By the way, the quote in question that he is referring to is this:
"Dynamite Kid and Davey Boy were the worst for destroying personal belongings. Dynamite is getting what he deserves now. A life of agony. So is Davey."
There it is... crystal clear. He said the Dynamite was deserving what he was currently getting. The is VERY little room to maneuver in the sentence.
He got cool, he got cocky, and he got bad. He was enjoying shooting on everyone so much that he was rolling and he started to speak before thinking things over.
Eh, we still love him. Well, I do. Not in a gay way. Jeeze.
We're not even done yet. One more thing just for kicks....
SPEAK TO US, WARRRIOR
If you spent time at his website, then you may have read this already. In fact, you probably did. It's been up there since 1999 at least.
It's how YOU.... yeah, YOU.... can look JUST like the Warrior. He'll tell you exactly how to do it. I thought we'd wrap this up with a little dose of arrogance.... makes that Bruce Mitchell dude seem positively humble.
Straight to the point of what Warrior OneonOne is about - all the while - reminding you that there are no contradictions when living a life as a warrior. Saying progress on an exercise program cannot be achieved all alone would contravene the concept of Project Warrior and all I have expressed within it. It's a myth - easily destroyed. It is possible and can be done - and literally is, when you look at it logically. I mean - who really does all the work? You do - the individual does. If one makes the committment to put forth a consistent, disciplined self-effort, results can be had. What a sales pitch for my advice, huh? Telling you that you can do exactly what I'm suggesting you pay for! Well, almost. Besides, if I gave you anything less than the facts, I'd be undermining Project Warrior, as I already said. Frequently, throughout Warrior Web, you will see where I have written that anything one wants to learn can be learned - Ahem...with effort, of course. Heck, the way they design bookstores like Barnes and Noble, Bookstar and Border Books you don't even have to buy the books - just go and spend an afternoon researching and put the information to use.
So why then would one even consider my offer of Warrior OneonOne? And of what value would it be to you? Well, let's see. I've made it very clear how important I think exercise is and has been in my life. I'm a huge proponent of the benefits of exercise - It takes someone who is motivated to motivate others! To your benefit, after 27 years of working out, even I'm still learning all the time. It is to your advantage that when being taught on any subject, which you wish to learn, that your teacher, too, sees the value of going back to the classroom. Everyone benefits from updating their knowledge. Pertinent to this, my body is constantly changing over the years and together with it's unique ability to adapt to routine very quickly (as most anything will), I'm constantly creating changes to keep the fires stoked with enthusiasm and challenge. Now, that's a ton of changes - I can tell you - and that speaks volumes about the experience I've acquired. And what is experience, anyway? Why...it's the lessons we learn from spending the time to make mistakes! So my experience can save you time - and time is something we can't buy or get enough of. Remember when I said the best advice I could give anyone was to start exercising in the first place? Well, the second piece of exercise-related advice I would give, assuming you did start exercising, is to develop the instincts to perceive what is working and what is not as it relates to your exercise routine and the makeup of it - ASAP.
To better explain...Take any young kid to the gym and the first thing any trainer, at least the ones I've met, will do is overemphasize basic exercises which may or may not be effective for this individual. Everybody gets plugged into a generic program. Frankly, in the beginning, no matter how good your intentions may be to get started, it will take some adjusting to the overall effects and, particularly, the follow-through of any exercise program - pointedly - for it to become second nature and habit takes time. Moreover, in the beginning, I believe any exercise is good - so why not design one's routine to include exercises an individual finds enjoyable - instead of only exercises one has to struggle with. And I don't so much mean that you find the exercise effort difficult - what's easy in that sense can and should be made difficult. I'm talking specifically about the mind-body connection take on distinct exercise movements. If you aren't feeling the movement in your head because you're uncomfortable with or have a mental block about the exercise movement (in general) to begin with, it doesn't matter if you stay there all day - it isn't going to happen.
The greatest example of this is the Bench Press. Everyone thinks you've got to do bench press for chest development. Hogwash. And here is the wedge...the sooner you realize something like this - you can then quit struggling with the false idea of it and wrestle with putting forth your struggle in the form of direct effort on what does work for you - and maybe only you. And that is the secret. Finding out what works for you - not others. There's a way to do this, while gradually introducing more physically demanding diversity into one's exercise program. But why do it in the beginning when you're simply trying to get "hooked" on the idea of regular exercise to begin with.
Most of us find out what works for us with time and experience. This is what a Personalized Warrior OneonOne Workout offers you. My years of experience to help you get to this place that works for you - ASAP. With some specific information from you - I can do this. Matter-of-fact, I'm very good at determining what works for an individual, simply because I enjoy turning people on to exercise. Can you develop this instinct yourself? Yes, you can - in sticking with your exercise program - over time you'll find exercising is a continuum of learning. But I've found if you're looking for a fast track to a certain destination - quality information that will get you there - if legitimate and useful - pays for itself a hundred times over.
The price for a Warrior OneonOne is $150.00. I will layout, explicitly, an action plan for you. This is a personalized recording just for you - nobody else. What I say will be directly relevant to what your exercise and dietary needs are - not mine - not others - yours. From the information you submit I will lay out a course to follow which not only gets you started - but instructs you on how to develop the instinct I spoke of earlier. So, in effect - you know when to halt or continue your exercise program at any point/place/time. Putting you in total control of your exercise regimen. If you're ready to change your life the easiest way there is to do so, Click on The Next Step...
I will spare you from The Next Step
This offer has been up for years now. Has ANYONE tried it? I'd love to know. Make a huge AAT out of it.
Good Lord, he's a goofball.
Well, that's all I have. The tank is on "E". I'm fresh out of anything. Drained. Suckled down to dust. This is the geek's equivalent to having one foot out of the bed and trying to weasel your ass out from under her draped arm, slip on your clothes and tip toe out of the place without waking her up. Get the hell outta Dodge before the sun hits her face and you really see the scrag you just boffed.
No, no kids... I REALLY DO love you (feet don't fail me now!).
I'll be back whenever and the whole thing will start fresh.
This is Hyatte